You probably don’t remember this:
One day we were joking in the car after school.
You said something about being a mistake.
I corrected you.
“I got pregnant by accident,” I told you.
“What’s the difference?” you asked me.
“Accidents can be happy &
You are my happiest.”
Oh, my sweet girl –
There has never been one second
Since the doctor told me you were coming
That my arms haven’t ached to hold you
& hold you & hold you &
Keep you with me –
My eyes locked on your perfect little face.
There is nothing you have ever done
That has dimmed how miraculous
You are to me –
How someone as me as me could birth
Someone as you as you is just evidence
That God is real.
God put you here on purpose,
You are so deeply special –
So brilliant & complicated,
So gifted & goofy,
So sweet & strong –
Just know that any time
I growled & showed my teeth to you
It was to scare you off something
That was bigger & meaner –
Something that would lunge & bite.
My purest, truest hope is that
We have years & years more to
Be together –
But if we do not –
If this virus chokes off our time –
My love for you is an ocean –
You could never have gotten to its bottom –
No matter how madly you swam or sadly you sank.
You never have (had) to work for my love.
All you ever have (had) to do is be my daughter.
You are my daughter.
You are my only daughter.
You are the only person I have ever loved this much, this way –
& when I am gone
All you have to do for me is
Love yourself like
I love you.
You can forget everything about me
If you want –
If you need –
Except all the things I did to
Make you smile.